About Kate
Recovering alcoholic
I am in recovery from alcohol addiction. Whilst this does not define me, it is an important part of who I am. My reality is that I still attend AA meetings 2-3 times per week to keep myself honest and stay connected to the programme that saved my life.
Beyond the portrait
People often want to know what precipitated my decision to get sober, and the truth is there was no seminal traumatic event. My teens and 20’s can be best described as a pain/ pleasure/ pain cycle, before becoming predominantly painful. This was mostly due to trying to ‘manage’ my addictions (there was also an eating disorder) in secret. I especially didn’t want to admit to having a problem with alcohol because of the stigma around it – particularly as a woman.
About 5 and a half years ago, I hit my personal rock bottom. I woke up one morning and realised, I cannot go on like this anymore. My life had become so small. I had few friends left. My family didn’t want anything to do with me. My career prospects were minimal. In short – had I lived, I would not have had much to live for. On that fateful Saturday morning, when I had had enough, I googled my nearest AA meeting. I have not looked back.
The first few years were difficult, daunting and draining: I was attending meetings every morning before going to work and then doing a full day in the office. I was also studying the Legal Practice Course at the time on an evening course. I think being so busy kept me going in a way.
Embracing the power of my difference
I don’t think I would have been able to conceive of my life today when I got sober. My career has flourished. I have amazing friends and I have rebuilt the bridges I burned with my family. I am completely independent, and I have an incredibly full life.
In recovery, they refer to the rock bottom moment which brings you to your knees as the ‘gift of desperation’. I thought that when I went into AA my life was over. In fact, it was just beginning. Through my recovery I have had the privilege of meeting myself on a much deeper level than I ever otherwise would have. I believe that it has made me a better person, friend, and colleague: more tolerant, understanding, and empathic.
Building #BraverCultures
Being teetotal is less stigmatised than ever before, and I am grateful to live in such a world. However, that doesn’t make owning up to having a problem and asking for help any easier. One thing they say about addiction is ‘addiction is the one disease that can convince you that you haven’t got it’. If writing this means that one person is encouraged to ask for help, or if I can facilitate better understanding of addiction, that would be more than enough for me. An alcoholic is not always the person passed out on a park bench or pouring vodka into their Cornflakes for breakfast. Which is what I (rather arrogantly) thought before I got into recovery.
Of course, there are days when I wish I could ‘be like everybody else’ and have a drink. I am grateful that those days are few and far between. Nobody has a ‘perfect life’ – despite how things may appear on the outside (or on Instagram). It is a privilege to be able to authentically share my story in the spirit of diversity and inclusion, and I thank you for reading it.